im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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