I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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