think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
