Me too!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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