its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
