Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
