I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
