Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize