i was born a porn star she said
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
