I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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