Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Rumble strips road head = magical
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
