HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
