isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
