Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
