Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
