My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize