it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
