I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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