Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize