My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My hand turned me down
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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