i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
