Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
