i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
