dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
