she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize