you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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