Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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