who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize