she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
