I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
North Korea, Best Korea!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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