drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
