you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
