i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
