This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize