We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
