It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My bed smells like the plague
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
