i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
