I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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