I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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