There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
