I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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