Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
