Can i not drive my cunt home
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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