I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
