You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
