No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He better not be in your backpack
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
