but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
