My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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