last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
