To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
