Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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