You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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