this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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