Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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