I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I am morally bankrupt
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
