you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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