he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
