I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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