ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
