What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this will be a night to untag.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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