How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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