it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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