I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
