Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
