I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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