So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
