Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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