Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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