Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize