I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
