Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
