I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I believe in your delicious
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
