I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
