The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
