i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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