u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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