Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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