when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
