He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
