Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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