You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
