the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
