Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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