I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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