i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
