20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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