She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
