I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
