i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The uberlube is also flammable
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize