I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
